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As a squad of American soldiers was patrolling the Iraqi border, they came across a badly mangled dead body. As they got closer, they found it was an Iraqi soldier. A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, struggling to breathe. They ran to him, cradled his blood-covered head and asked him what had happened. "Well," he whispered, "I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth when I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted, ‘Saddam Hussein is an unprincipled, lying piece of sh#t!’" "He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, ‘George Bush is an unprincipled, lying piece of sh#t too!’" "We were standing there shaking hands when the truck hit us." Castro was addressing a large audience in Cuba, and he
began, "They accuse me of intervening in Angola..." and a man going
through the audience called out, "Peanuts! Popcorn!" It's Q & A Time! Q: What do you call 6 naked men standing on each other's shoulders? A: A scrotum pole.
Q: How many men does it take to shingle a roof? A: It depends on how thin you slice them.
Q: How are blondes like the Bermuda Triangle? A: They both suck down a lot of semen.
Q: What do you call a woman that loses 95% of her brain power? A: Divorced! A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. "I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. "The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37. "Then my wife's father died and left us two million
dollars." HEADLINES Chimpanzees
should be included on the human branch of the primate family tree; "but
should definitely not be invited to reunions," warns primatologist Army
ants evolved just once; "that's more than my husband," snipes New
Jersey woman Muslim
woman sues for right to wear veil for driver's license photo; Deranged serial
killer sues for right to wear hockey mask for his mugshots Potentially
offensive words banned by publishers of most US textbooks include
"old" and "blind"; "knowledge" and
"truth" also deemed inappropriate Prince
William says he is living a normal life at University; "I take classes, eat
meals, frolic in my vast vats of gold bullion like some kind of
fabulously-wealthy animated duck... you know, typical college stuff" Scientists achieve significant breakthrough against hearing loss: "We're speaking louder!" beams researcher [Stolen from National Lampoon] A
young executive was leaving the office at 6pm when he found the CEO (Chief
Executive Officer) standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in
hand. "Listen,"
said the CEO, "this is important, and my secretary has left. Can you make
this thing work?" "Certainly,"
said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and
pressed the start button. "Excellent,
excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine.
"I just need one copy." My husband, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so that he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big red mark on his forehead.
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