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NAMING THE FATHER FOR CHILD SUPPORT IN ENGLAND The following are all replies that British women have put on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing the father's details: These are 'genuine' excerpts from the forms. 01. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night. 02. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps. 03. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 Grand Avenue where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father can you send me his phone number? Thanks. 04. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced. 05. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again. 06. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise. 07. I do not know who the father of my child was as all squaddies look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket. 08. Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? 09. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at EuroDisney - maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom. 10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilised. 11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart. HEADLINES Castro
cracks down on dissidents; sentences them to stay in Cuba Scientists
find location of village once run by Pocahontas' father; tribe commemorates site
with 78,000-square-foot Casino, William Bennett to preside at ribbon-cutting
ceremony Same-Sex
couples are slightly more educated than rest of nation, yet know slightly less
about what the anus is best used for Most
Americans believe someone isn't grown up until age 26; "if by 'grown-up'
they mean playing Nintendo all morning after I return from my 3-night-a-week
temp job performing inventory services, then, yes, I agree with them,"
states 27-year-old man living in his mother's basement Media
execs state that ownership regulations meant to ensure diversity of opinions are
unnecessary; Fact that they speak with one voice on the subject indicates
otherwise America
only helps 1 in 3 patients with serious psychological issues; 2 in 3 helped by
demon in toaster commanding them to kill their children with large rocks Scientists
discover the world's smallest seahorse; "The next step is figuring out how
to race them with sea-monkey jockeys," states unnamed marine biologist U.N.
labor report finds workplace discrimination still exists worldwide; "I was
shocked when my secretary read this article to me in bed," confesses
dumbfounded exec This happened about a month ago just outside a little town in the bayou country of Louisiana, and while it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's real. This guy was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a real dark night in the middle of a thunder storm. Time passed slowly and no cars went by. It was raining so hard he could hardly see his hand in front of his face. Suddenly he saw a car moving slowly approaching and appearing ghostlike in the rain. It slowly crept toward him and stopped. Wanting a ride real bad the guy jumped in the car and closed the door, only then did he realize that there was nobody behind the wheel. The car slowly started moving and the guy was terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and running. The guy saw that the car was slowly approaching a sharp curve, still too scared to jump out, he started to pray and beg for his life; he was sure the ghost car would go off the road and into the bayou and he would surely drown, when just before the curve, a hand appeared thru the driver's window and turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend. Paralyzed with fear, the guy watched the hand reappear every time they reached a curve. Finally the guy, scared to near death, had all he could take and jumped out of the car and ran to town. Wet and in shock, he went into a bar and voice quavering, ordered two shots of whiskey, then told everybody about his supernatural experience. A silence enveloped and everybody got goose bumps when they realized the guy was telling the truth and not just some drunk. About half an hour later two guys walked into the bar and
one says to the other, "Look Boudreaux, ders dat idiot that rode in our car
when we was pushin it in the rain."
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