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As most people know, football legend Michael Vick lost his Nike shoe contract. But not all is lost, he just signed a new promotional deal with.... Hush Puppies! [Heard at a local bar - Dave] Heard on the Stephanie Miller Show: "Senator Larry Craig... Born in Idaho, reared in Minnesota." Along with the new iPod Touch, today Apple announced the iPhone Shuffle: for when you want to talk with someone, but you don't know whom. [By: Cynthia Virtue] Michael Vick to receive "Doggie Style" welcome in prison. One sunny day in 2009, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton." The Marine replied, "Sir, Mrs. Clinton is not President and doesn't reside here." The old man said, "Okay," and walked away. The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton". The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mrs. Clinton is not President and doesn't reside here." The man thanked him and again walked away . . . The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying, "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton." The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mrs. Clinton. I've told you already several times that Mrs. Clinton is not the President and doesn't reside here. Don't you understand?" The old man answered, "Oh, I understand you fine, I just love hearing your answer!" The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow." [Forwarded by Ken Barber – Thanks so VERY much! - Dave] White House press secretary Tony Snow has announced his resignation. Before that Roberto Gonzalas. Last week, political strategist Karl Rove said he'd be leaving at the end of the month. Before that, departures included counselor Dan Bartlett, chief White House attorney Harriet Miers, budget director Bob Portman, political director Sara Taylor, and a number of others. And here you thought no one in the White House had an exit strategy. After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization," a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it. Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?" Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!" Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. " Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?" Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?" Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A," as agreed. Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question. He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25-year-old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A" although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical." The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. (This is one pretty sharp boss!) When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood the benefits of having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have a quick 15-minute contest. The theme: Viagra advertising slogans. The only rule was they had to use past ad slogans, originally written for other products that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight variations were acceptable. Fifteen minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and created a Top 10 List. With all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for everyone! The top 10 were: 10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up! 9. Viagra, The quicker pecker picker upper. 8. Viagra, like a rock! 7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight. 6. Viagra, Be all that you can be. 5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone. 4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman. 3. Viagra, Home of the whopper! 2. Viagra, We bring good things to Life! And the unanimous number one slogan: # 1. This is your peepee. This is your peepee on drugs. [Forwarded by regular contributor, Alex Lazarovici – Thanks Alex - Dave * * * Another "Viagra" joke – groan…: A man goes to an oral surgeon to have a tooth pulled. The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man. "No way! No needles! I hate needles!" the patient said. The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects. "I can't do the gas thing - the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!" The dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking a pill. "No objection," the patient says, "I am fine with pills." The dentist then returns and says, "Here's a Viagra tablet." The patient says, "Wow - I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!" "It doesn't," said the dentist, "but it will give you something to hold on to when I pull out your tooth.
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