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October's Jokes 2008 Optimist: An investment banker who irons five shirts on Sunday evening. I've seen many bumper-stickers that say "Stupid should be painful"... and frankly, the results often are. The problem is, stupid people are seldom aware of why they are hurting! [By: Me!] "I used a WaMu ATM today and it asked to borrow $20 till Friday." [By: Timothy Kolar] On television today a Democratic operative pointed out that when Obama holds a rally 25-30,000 people show up, whereas when McCain holds one he only draws 10-15,000. The Republican spokesman replied, "That's because McCain's supporters are at work." An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter, "Want coffee." The waiter says, "Sure, Chief. Coming right up." He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out. The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Want coffee." The waiter says "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?" The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Training for position in United States Congress: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day." In the country lived a family that made its living weaving cloth. One day, a debt collector knocked on the door. "Is Jack home?" he asked the woman who answered the door. "I'm sorry," the woman replied. "Jack's gone for cotton." A few weeks later the collector tried again. "Is Jack here today?" Once again the answer was "No, sir, I'm afraid he has gone for cotton." When he returned for the third time and Jack was still nowhere to be seen, he complained, "I suppose Jack is gone for cotton again?" "No," the woman answered solemnly, "Jack died yesterday." Suspicious that he was being avoided, the collector decided to wait a week and investigate the cemetery. Sure enough, he found poor Jack's tombstone, with this inscription: "Gone, but not forgotten" Q. What should you do if you get an E-mail with the subject "Nude pictures of Sarah Palin?" A. Whatever you do, don't open it! It could contain a computer virus! Q. What should you do if you get an E-mail with the subject "Nude pictures of Hillary Clinton?" A. Whatever you do, don't open it! It could contain nude pictures of Hillary Clinton! |
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