|
|
|
|
|
|
**FOX News bows to pressure* * Fox is already cowering to Obama— In response to Barack Obama's complaint that FOX News doesn't show enough Black and Hispanic people on their network, FOX has announced they will now air "America's Most Wanted" *TWICE* a week. [Sent in by Alex Lazarovici – Thanks! – Dave] Like Father, Like Son A young boy comes home from school one day, and on going to his room, he hears thumping and squeaking from his parents' room. He naively opens the door to see what is going on, and beholds his dad "giving it" to his mom rather vigorously. While his mom doesn't notice, his dad looks up to see him there, and gives him a big grin and a wink. The next evening, dad comes home from work. He hears banging and squealing from his son's room. He opens the door to see what's happening, and the son is banging his own grandmother! The son looks up to see his father standing there, and says, "Not so funny when it's your mom, is it?" A fine explanation… and it would work for me too! The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. And she was somewhat upset. "You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you and I want a divorce right away!" And the husband replied, "Hang on just a minute love so at least I can tell you what happened." "Fine, go ahead," she sobbed, "but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!" And the husband began – "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car." "I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days." "So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments." "Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away." Then as she needed clothes I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years but don't wear because you say they are too tight. "I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don 't wear because I don't have good taste." "I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same." The husband took a quick breath and continued – "She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said "Please ... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?" [Sent to me by oft contributiaré, Alex Lazarovici – Thanks a lot! – Dave] Obama addresses the pirate situation: [Forwarded to me by Ken B. who saw it on Craig’s List] Ooppps…. Obama's teleprompter caught moonlighting as AmEx spokesperson: 'Don’t leave home without it' [Stolen from: "The Peoples Cube" – Please visit them! – Dave] Speaking of "The Bamstard"…. What does a faggot and Barak have in common? They both have brown dick! But she at least left the seat down! Why did Helen Keller fire her maid? Because she left the plunger in the toilet! Another toilet joke? A remote tribal village in Africa had only one thing of earthly value and
that was the throne of their king. The chair was huge and covered with gold and
jewels. "Those that live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones" * * * * * Another blonde joke! One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into a restaurant for something cold to drink. Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked, "Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?" The blonde said it was hers. "Your dog seems to be in heat," the officer said. The blonde replied, "No way. She's cool 'cause she's tied up under that shade tree." The policeman said, "No! You don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred." "No way," said the blonde. "My dog doesn't need bread. She isn't hungry 'cause I fed her this morning." The exasperated policeman said, "NO! You don't understand. Your dog wants to have sex!" The blonde looked at the cop and said, "Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog." * * * * * Once upon a time there were three blondes… Three blondes (natural) died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter was. The first blonde said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to hell. The second blonde said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to hell. The third blonde said, she knew what Easter is, and St. Peter said, "So, tell me." She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder ... St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good." Then the blonde continued, "Now every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball." St. Peter fainted. [Both were stolen from a posting on Grouchy Old Cripple]
|
|
|
|
