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"Obama Official Calls Fellow Democrats 'f---ing retards'; Sarah Palin
Demands That He Apologize -- To The Retards" [Groaner alert!] A woman walks into a vet's waiting room, dragging a wet rabbit on a leash. "Sit, Fluffy," she says. Fluffy glares at her and then the soaking-wet rabbit jumps up on another customer's lap, getting water all over him. "I said sit, Fluffy!" the woman shouts. "Don't you want to be a good little rabbit?" Apparently not, because Fluffy, still wet, jumps onto the floor shakes furiously, spraying water on everyone and then proceeds to squat and urinate, right there in the middle of the room. "Dammit, Fluffy!" the woman screams, and then, mortified by Fluffy's behavior, she turns to the other people in the room and says; "Please forgive me, I've just washed my hare, and I can't do a thing with it!" [Stolen from: Grouchy
Old Cripple] [Hey, it could have been a “bad hare day!” Okay, I apologize for that one. - Stolen from GOC – Dave] In Haiti, multiple women are still being pulled from underneath rubble. The vacationing Barney Rubble is not willing to get off them. Betty Rubble was unavailable for comment. A Kentucky man just won $51,000,000 in the lottery! The man said he would share the winnings with his wife and sister. Lucky woman! Did you hear they're recalling all
Brett Favre jerseys? Apparently they're a choking hazard! Groaner alert! Groaner #1 Q: Did you hear about the guy who fell into the upholstery machine? A: He’s fully recovered… Groaner #2 A papa mole, a mama mole, and a baby mole, all live together in a little mole
hole. One day, papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says, "Yum! I smell maple syrup!" The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says, "Oh, Yum! I smell honey!" Now baby mole is trying to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't because the bigger moles are in the way. This makes him whine, "Geez, all I can smell is... ...MOLASSES!" [Another from Grouchy Old Cripple] A young blonde girl goes to the doctor for a physical. The doctor puts his
stethoscope up to the girl's chest and says, 'Big breaths...' The girl replies, “Yeth and I'm not even thixteen.” George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.
While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells
them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he was finished the
devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a
check. A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F." He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T." She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly. He again answered, "S-H-I-T." The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F." The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-I-T." The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain. 'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank God, It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?" The man answered, "'S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday'-- duuhhh. Gatorade dropped their Tiger Woods sports drink. Because it'd be tasteless to say, "Is It In You?" Q: What’s the difference between Tiger and Santa Claus? A: Santa stops after three “Ho’s.” * * * * * * * Nice friendly notice: Thanks for all the jokes and pictures sent in this month - BUT I STILL NEED MORE!... So please, if you have any jokes out there that you have not seen in the archives, send them on in! I BEG OF YOU! - Dave Be sure to ask for another batch of horrible jokes each month, or whenever I get the hell around to it! Sign up for THE UPDATE! Stay ahead of the humor curve with fresh new jokes! Just write to: dave@dontflameme.com Disclaimer: The humor posted here was either written by me, submitted by friends and/or partners, or is being currently circulated around the web without proper credit. I do not claim ownership of any material unless noted. If you are the copyright owner of any material posted here, please contact me immediately and credit will be given and/or material removed - with apologies attached. Original author and copyright holder are listed if known. Feel free to pass this material along, just include all credits.
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